Of all the feelings imaginable to a human being, none beats the one of feeling out of place. Even social animals have at one point in their lives felt the pressure of fitting in with a particular group or set of people. It’s an unwanted and unwelcome feeling; everyone wants to belong somewhere.

Just the other day, I found myself in such like situation. I am generally a talkative and out going person so the fact that I was unable to fit in a group of ‘ordinary folks’ was quite impossible for me to decipher. So here I am, out with my better half and his friends and all that could come out of me was a cool hello and a smile that barely reached my eyes. The banter around me seemed endless and the topics flying in the air were hard to relate and even contribute to. The music? Being a one-genre kind of person it’s hard to sometimes enjoy certain music that I’m not used to. Lame? Maybe so, but the feeling relates to plonking yourself among the native speaking inhabitants of the Amazon. You just want to be home and in your element!

Have you ever found yourself in such a situation? I’m sure if you were reading this you would relate. Many at times the ‘opposites attract’ rule may find us stuck in the middle of a relationship that is both exciting and unbearable to bear.

On a lighter note, the differences between you and your spouse may be the same ones adding spice to your relationship and bringing you closer together. On the other hand, they may be the same one’s tearing you apart. You like this, they like that, and the friends you both had in the past must at one point be brought in the mix. This may be a disaster! It may work out, but chances are very high that it won’t.

One thing that is sure as rain is that friends will always be there and losing them just because your spouse doesn’t like or ‘click’ with them is an impossible feat to accomplish. The situation is vice versa for your spouse.

Some friends have been there since time in memorial. Well it may be so that one or two are a bad influence and may be required to be weeded out, coming out with your guns blazing will not be the smartest thing you can do. Take time to learn more about them before making a solid conclusion.

So what do you do in the meantime? Picture it this way, when you agreed to love that someone, wasn’t it to be through thick and thin? (This applies to true and sincere love thank you). And isn’t the ‘thin’ of it accommodating situations that might be otherwise impossible to bear? It can’t be that bad to get out of your element once in a while and experience new things. Perhaps you are an introvert or a little ‘stiff’ towards change but making each other’s happiness a priority will be a good way to build that foundation towards a better future. And the effort is usually duly noted believe me.

Discussing a way forward with your spouse can also go a long way in easing up already high tensions on the issue. It doesn’t help canceling dinner plans all the time or feigning headaches just to avoid those awkward dinner outings with his/her friends. Just make it clear whatever problem you have, be fair about it and make sure you also approach the subject in a somber mature manner. You might be surprised how well this works out. Try to overcome previous judgmental attitudes you have about the friends and find out more about them. You will find that maybe you have a hobby or thing in common you never knew about, just because you arrogantly brushed them off.

I know of people who are hell bent in changing their spouse’s personalities to suit theirs. To frankly put it, this doesn’t work. So if you find that you tried to fit in his\her lifestyle and it still didn’t work out, don’t push it. If you can’t handle it no need in forcing issues to run your way. Leave as early as you can. But if you are willing to fight, 10-15 minutes of pure boredom with his\her friends will not kill you. There are so many other ways you can revenge that * evil wink *

Scores of weight-loss diets have been in the limelight over the years. But relatively few have been carefully studied. They include very low-fat diets such as the Ornish and Pritikin diets; low-carbohydrate diets, such as Atkins and South Beach; and the Mediterranean diet, which has the added bonus of conferring a number of potential health benefits.

What do the data say about the effectiveness of diets and how can you use that information to choose a weight loss approach that will work for you?

The diet studies

The reality is that when it comes to shedding pounds, the key is cutting calories — and it doesn’t really matter whether those calories come mainly from steak, bread, or vegetables.

Experts advise people to keep the percentage of their calories from major nutrients within the recommended federal guidelines:

•                Protein: 10% to 35%

•                Carbohydrate: 45% to 65%

•                Fat: 20% to 35%

Note that diets that are less than 45% carbohydrate or more than 35% protein are hard to follow, and they’re no more effective than other diets. In addition to possibly increasing the risk of heart disease, diets with very low carbohydrate levels may have a negative effect on mood, according to several studies.

The take-home lesson is that it is okay to experiment on yourself. If you give a diet your best shot and it doesn’t work, maybe it wasn’t the right one for you, your metabolism, or your situation. Don’t get too discouraged or beat yourself up because a diet that “worked for everybody” didn’t pay off for you. Try another.

Low-fat: Doesn’t taste great … and is less filling

Once the main strategy for losing weight, low-fat diets were shoved aside by the low-carb frenzy. But healthy fats can actually promote weight loss, and some fats are good for the heart; eliminating them from the diet can cause problems.

Since fat contains 9 calories per gram while carbohydrates contain 4, you can theoretically double your food intake without taking in more calories by cutting back on fatty foods and eating more that are full of carbohydrates, especially water-rich fruits and vegetables. Still, such a diet tends to be less filling and flavorful than other diets, which lessens its long-term appeal.

Low-carbohydrate: Quick weight loss but long-term safety questions

The low-carb eating strategy is based on the biological fact that eating carbohydrates raises blood sugar levels, which triggers an outpouring of insulin from the pancreas. The theory goes a step further, claiming that high insulin levels produce hunger, so people who eat carbohydrates take in more calories and gain weight.

Low-carbohydrate diets tend to cause dehydration. To make up for the lack of carbohydrates in the diet, the body mobilizes its own carbohydrate stores from liver and muscle tissue. In the process, the body also mobilizes water, meaning that the pounds shed are water weight. The result is rapid weight loss, but after a few months, weight loss tends to slow and reverse, just as happens with other diets.

Mediterranean-style: Healthy fats and carbs with a big side of fruits and vegetables

Mediterranean-style diets emphasize good fats and “good” carbs.

Saturated fat, trans fat, and cholesterol are the bad guys. Good fats are monounsaturated (found in olive oil, for example) and polyunsaturated (found in such foods as fish, canola oil, and walnuts). Mediterranean diets tend to have a moderate amount of fat, but much of it comes from healthful monounsaturated fats and unsaturated omega-3 fats. It is high in carbohydrates, but most of the carbs come from unrefined, fiber-rich foods. It is also high in fruits and vegetables, nuts, seeds, and fish, with only modest amounts of meat and cheese.

Whiteheads are form of acne and one of the greatest fears of the beauty – a build-up of oils, serum and dead skin that plugs up your pores. Just like the blackheads, the whiteheads can be also seen in both teenagers and adults.
Whiteheads can be shortly defined as: tiny, pearly, white raised spots formed in the skin where skin cells clog and close a hair follicle. Many people mistake whiteheads for pimples as they both look alike but there is a difference because whiteheads should be removed very carefully.
The exact cause of whiteheads isn’t still known for sure but most of the dermatologists suggest that the whiteheads are caused by the accumulation of hardened sebum (oil) in the pores of the skin. If the skin pore closes up then the bacteria will remain under the skin – it will begin to grow and after a few days a whitehead will be formed.
Whiteheads usually occur on different parts of the face, most commonly around the eyes and on the cheeks. Most of the people also get whiteheads on the chest, neck and forehead. Whiteheads are often accompanied with blackheads, pimples and acne.

You should never try to remove whiteheads alone at home, never! You should know that whiteheads are different from pimples or blackheads. If you try to squeeze the whitehead you may easily break the skin which will result in a permanent scar.
The best way to prevent the formation of whiteheads is to follow a strict skin care regimen, as follows:

• Clean your face at least twice a day with skincare products that are appropriate for your skin type. Use a facial cleanser that contain salicylic acid or alpha hydroxyl acids as there ingredients help in unclogging the pores.

• Exfoliate your skin regularly – twice or three times a week. Apply the exfoliating products all over your face, using light, circular motions concentration on the problem areas of the face, forehead, nose and cheeks. Try to find a gentle exfoliator with small particles; it will encourage newer, smoother and healthier skin cells to grow, helping to unclog the pores.

• Even if your skin is oily or mixed you should never forget to apply a moisturizer or a hydrating cream.

• Once a week steam your face for a few minutes to cleanse your skin in deep. Steaming is very important to loosen debris that may be embedded into the skin. When steaming the face you wide the clogged pores and soften the skin in order to cleanse more easily the impurities, the traces of makeup, the dust, the sebaceous secretions as well as the dead skin cells.

• You can also use a comedone remover (a comedone extractor) tool – a handy device to help keep pores free of blackheads and blemishes. It will remove all clogged dark bumps with trapped sebum, bacteria and excess oils dislodging pore blockages leaving skin clear and smooth. This tool should be used immediately after steaming the face.

If you have just a small number of whiteheads don’t do anything – leave them the way they are because sometimes whiteheads go away by themselves in a few days. Cosmetologists are trained to remove whiteheads and the other forms of acne flawlessly. They use special methods and tools to extract the whiteheads without a risk of skin infections and scarring.

Useful Tips:

• Whiteheads should be extracted by an experienced esthetician or dermatologist.
• To prevent whiteheads from forming in the first place, you should use a mild facial cleanser that is oil-free and wash your face at least twice a day.
• Never squeeze or pick at a pimple as doing so may spread the inflammation and leave an ugly red scar behind.
• Use a face cream or moisturizer containing salicylic acid.
• Always look for antibacterial skin care and cosmetic products.
• It’s essential to keep your skin clean all the time in order to prevent the formation of whiteheads.
• Drink plenty of water to keep your skin and body hydrated and to remove the toxins from your skin.
• Always apply a toner after cleansing your face in the morning and in the evening to close the pores.
• Never forget to remove your makeup in the evening; otherwise this may clog the pores resulting in blackheads, whiteheads, pimples and rash appearance.
• Never use harsh facial cleansers, soaps or lotions.
• Never use oil-based makeup precuts as they may contribute to the buildup of oil in the follicles.
• Always apply moisturizer after washing your face.
• Don’t forget to exfoliate your skin once or twice a week with a mild exfoliator to remove the dead skin cells.
• Always wear a sunscreen or sun block with SPF at least 15, to protect your skin from the sun’s harmful rays.
• Avoid touching your face with dirty hands – you can transform bacteria and cause inflammation.
•  The best way to prevent whiteheads is to keep your skin clean and well moisturized all the time.
• Regular facials can help prevent whiteheads because they will keep your pores clean.
• Do a cleansing face mask once or twice a week.

Eating healthy foods is the first step to beauty, not just on the outer but also the inner. ‘Permanent’ beauty begins by cleaning your insides and this is achieved by eating foods which aid in digestion and remove toxic substances from our bodies. These so called beauty foods also boost our immune system and protect us from harmful diseases. Here is a list of beauty foods that can help you regain your youthful self and also help you maintain that vibrant look.

Apple Cider Vinegar   Besides having amazing healing properties, apple cider vinegar keeps skin supple. It’s heavy concentration of enzymes helps peel off dead skin cells. It breaks down fat and helps food digest properly.

Carrots    Maintain the outer layer of the skin to prevent premature aging. What you’ll find in is the same as you’ll get in Retin A.

Cheese    To ensure a happy smile, add a slice or two of hard cheese into your diet. Choose Swiss, cheddar, or gouda to block bacteria in the mouth and prevent cavities.

Citrus Fruits    Hold the skin cells together by forming collagen. Collagen cannot be added to the skin topically, which is why fruits and fruit juices are such an important part of the daily diet.

Cranberries   Keep urinary tract lining healthy.

Garlic   Helps combat wrinkles and restores tissue.

Nonfat Yogurt  High in calcium, which keeps your smile white and your teeth cavity-free.

Sweet Potatoes   Vitamin A is known to be a remarkable anti-wrinkling agent. Sweet potatoes are full of this important vitamin. The pleasing result is clearer, smoother skin.

Tomatoes   These “love apples” will keep you loving your skin. Tomatoes are rich in vitamin A, vitamin C, and potassium.

Wheat Germ   If you want to get rid of pimples quickly and efficiently, make sure to include two or three tablespoons a day in your diet. Add it to cereal, yogurt, and cottage cheese. You should choose foods that you enjoy, of course, but you need to include the following:

Vegetables  Three to five servings daily. Try to include one serving of raw, leafy greens.

Meat    Have no more than three ounce servings a day. Cut off all fat. Try to make two servings of turkey or chicken. One serving of fish a day is ideal.

Fruits  Two to three servings daily. A 1/2 cup of chopped or sliced fruit is a serving. Fruit salad

Dairy   You should have at least two servings daily. A serving would be eight ounces of milk or yogurt.

Fats Salad dressing, cooking oil, butter, and mayonnaise should be limited to two servings a day.

Eating the above foods will not only improve your physical appearance, but will also make you feel healthier and lighter on your feet. Taking care of what you eat should be your top priority. Many diseases and health complications are brought on by the types of foods we eat especially the unhealthy ones.

Here are some few interesting verses I think we should start our discussion with:

At first we started out real cool,

Taking me places i ain’t never been

But now your getting comfortable

Ain’t doing those things that you did no more

Your slowly makin me pay for things

Your money should be handling

Can you pay my bills

Can you pay my telephone bills

Can you pay my automo’bills

Then maybe we can chill

I don’t think you do

So you and me are through

By now you should have guessed where the words came from; the famous ‘bills’ song by Destiny’s Child. Good, now we can really begin.After an informal survey done by someone I know from somewhere, he came to a conclusion that women nowadays are the soul providers, taking care of everyone plus themselves. It is a society where roles are reversed and men are no longer the main breadwinners. Blame that on the ever-increasing costs of our economy. But is that really a cause to take on someone else’s ‘financial baggage’ or is it used as a flimsy excuse to feed off other people?

Ladies, are you in a situation where you are the one taking care of the bills while the man waits patiently at home? I’m not talking about the ‘sugar-mummy’ type of arrangements but rather a stable relationship where the man is not in a financial position to provide. How do you fell about it? Are you okay with it, or just putting up with the situation all in the name of love and ‘endurance?’ lets critically think about the types of ‘male financial instabilities’.

The ‘Leech’- now if you are in this type of relationship I suggest you read this carefully. According to my dictionary, a leech is ‘a person who extorts profit from or sponges on others’, ‘a person who habitually exploits or relies on’. See any familiar pattern? I have put them in bold for you.

To the contrary, there is nothing bad in relying on someone for support. But there are men out there who only want to benefit financially from a woman, knowing full well that they can be provided with anything they want. This is a man who will call you in the middle of the day to ask you what you will buy them for dinner, pay his rent, assist his mother with ‘unga’ money, a man who expects you to pay for their drinks and buy him his essentials, all in the name of love. They will rarely show any progress of independence because they are either too lazy to look for a job or they are in the perfect comfort zone.

If you are a smart woman, you will know that these kinds of relationships never work.  I am not saying that a woman should not assist financially or from time to time cater for the small bills. My point is simply do not accept to take less than what you deserve in the name of love and patience. Even God’s prophets had to do his work and at the same time afford their upkeep. They never burdened their spiritual brothers and sisters with bills. Look at apostle Peter who made tents to earn him some little cash

Back to the basics, do not under any circumstances make excuses for a man who cannot provide for you. What happens when the children come and bills need to be taken care of, especially in this era of the financial crunch? You need a helper and provider at your side, a worthy ‘team mate’. Right now you might be single and enjoying the freedom of heavy responsibilities, but once you agree to take on the burden of providing for a full grown man, that is, in marriage, I have only one sentence for you –may the gods of the mountains be with you.

 The unopened ‘Gift Box’- Ladies, we all love the ‘gift box’. Wrapped and in an attractive package, all we want to do is handle with care and cherish. A ‘gift box’ is a man who has got full of potential, full of life and has a promising future. One problem though- he is as broke as Jewish mouse in a Chinese temple. But he tries his best to make it up to you any time he gets that little cash, and you appreciate him for that immensely.

I call him ‘unopened’ because he has not reached his full potential and it’s a 50-50 chance that he will. And just like a wrapped gift, you do not know whether what’s inside will make you happy or disappoint you all together. This is a guy that has the entire ‘boyfriend qualities’; he’s loving, caring, understanding, good in the sack- name them! But he can’t maintain you nor himself and you end up doing all the work. He doesn’t make you cater for the whole 100% but you’ll find yourself doing at least 70%. You don’t really mind because at that point he makes you happy and you love it.

But there’s a loophole in this kind of relationship, so watch out. First, he might not attain financial independence sooner than you might like or prefer and this might cause a strain in the relationship. When you get yourself in this kind of ‘mess’ make sure you are psychologically prepared for any kind of challenges that will come along the way. It’s always never about you giving him a financial boost, but also acting as a support for him in the rough days to come. Such men usually require a lot of ‘pushing around’ and encouragement to reach their full potential, a gentle nudge in the right direction.

So are you ready to step up and do that? Or are you in it just for the short ride of excitement, which I will not lie to you, ends as soon as it begins. If you are in this kind of relationship, you are in it for the long haul and your main motivator should be faith and trust that the person will discover their full potential at some point and become this great individual you have always dreamt about. This is the ‘joyous’ part in eventually unwrapping the gift box and finding the most beautiful gift ever.

The second loophole is that he might not be the person you perceived him to be. His ambitions and dreams of the future were just meant to lure you into a sense of security. This is bad because you will have given him so much of your precious time and resources, hoping that he will eventually turn into a prince charming. Once you realize this, it is better to make a solid decision of leaving or continuing with the relationship. No use getting stuck in the middle hoping things will miraculously change overnight. It’s either he has potential or not, and its either you accept him as he is or not. Unfortunately, this is the part you unwrap the lovely gift box to find an empty space of nothingness smiling right back you. What do you do? I leave that for you dear readers.

A major “Fall Out” is looming. Yes, Choices – famous for Sunday Rock Night – is back with the wildest rock concert of the month.  On Saturday October 29^th, 2011 Choices Baricho Road in partnership with The Rumble brings to Nairobi, the most anticipated rock event of the month. The bands and the deejays performing at the “Fall Out” have been wisely selected based on their experiences, maturity of the music they play and popularity across a wide spectrum of rock fans.

Although we’re keeping it balls to the wall, hosting Fall Out Rock Concert is a unique opportunity to explore and expose some of our best kept secrets in the growing Kenyan rock music scene.  In partnership with “The Rumble”, the hottest rock television show to ever been aired in Kenya, Choices Pub will continue to support the Djs and the bands that bring happiness to starved rock fans in Kenya. The sound by Ed Byrnes is a world class sound system; big artists in London have used the same sound system so expect high levels of sound clarity.

Main Floor/Top Floor (Rock Deejays)

18.00- 21.00 Dj Shaddy sets off the mood for the night. His wide tastes of alternative rock will be showcased. Just in case you have not had a chance to sample Dj Shaddy’s auditory skills, he plays rock n roll music regularly @ Seven Degrees on Naivasha Road, Lavington and has hosted and performed at numerous rock concerts in Kenya and Uganda. He is definitely the decks man who fills in at Choices whenever Dj Jack is on “sabbatical leave” on a Sunday night.

21.00-3.00-Dj Jack needs no introduction to the rock music scene in Kenya. He is arguably the best rock Dj to have ever emerged from East Africa. Since his taste of rock music is more mainstream, he is the rock dj you would love to be on your favorite radio station everyday morning! Dj Jack is not your ordinary dj. He will never scratch your rock music, because as he says: “I happily left scratching to others, rock should be served in its purest form”

3.00-9.00 am-Dj Shaddy & Pete Van Doom will alternatively be on the deck, promising you an extended heavy dose of happiness.

Ground Floor/Basement (Bands Live Performance)

20:30 - 9.30 Rock Band Dove Slimme kick off  the live band performance showcase.  This rock band which draws it’s influences from Paramore, Muse, Fuel, John Mayer, Breaking Benjamin and Jimi Hendrix, is a prove to the nation that through hard work and dedication, mountains can be moved!. This band, which has won several battle of the bands contests, features Saidimu on Guitar/Vocals, Jilian-Vocals, Migz-Lead Guitar, Ali-Bass and Josh on the Drums. The band, which is still exploring different sounds, is on the verge of finding its own sound! Expect lots of their original compositions and covers of popular rock bands such as Paramore, John Mayer and Breaking Benjamin.

9.40 -10.35 For Your Lying Three Hearts (FYLTH) are making their debut at Fall Out Rock Concert.This metal band formed in 2009 lists Trivium, Sirenia, Suicide Silence, As I Lay Dying, Killswitch Engage, Dimmu Borgir, Deicide, Metallica, Mudvayne, and Rammstein as some of the bands which influence their artistic work. The lead vocalist of For Your Lying Three Hearts, Douglas Kihoro (Dimmu) is famous for his mastery of German hard rock and metal songs’ lyrics. He does vocals as perfectly as an educated native German speaker. Expect much more of hard rock/industrial metal of Rammstein, some heavy vocals of Suicide Silence and their original heavy metal “Swahili” compositions.

10.45 -11.30 As FYLTH exit the stage; we welcome these guys from ParkingLotGrass. PLG is one of the fastest rising rock bands with regular monthly rock night’s performances in various locations in Nairobi. Formed in 2006, (PLG) had been on sabbatical until mid-2010. Be ready to sing along with this band’s music as they sound original, authentic and pure. The band draws a lot of its influence from some of rock’s greats, such as Black Sabbath, Metallica and Foo Fighters. These legends of rock, along with diverse individual tastes within the band’s members, have helped PLG define their own unique style of rock that’ll have rockers banging their heads and singing along to their tunes. The band continues to work on material for their debut album. You should expect to hear the first singles of their album, namely “Coward”, “Sweet Pain” and “New Day”.

11: 40 - 12.30. It would hardly be fitting to end the night in a low note; therefore we bring you Last Year’s Tragedy (LYT). LYT is a pioneer metal band in Kenya music scene and most Kenyan metal band draw their influences from this band. LYT has kept practicing and playing in various shows including Battle of The Bands, Oktoberfest, Nairobi Rock Festival, and is credited for inspiring new Kenyan heavy metal bands to form and join the scene.

This band, which happens to be the only Kenyan metal band to have its music played on radios globally across Africa, Europe and USA, draws its influence from bands such as Funeral For A Friend, Killswitch Engage, As I Lay Dying, Underoath, It Prevails,  A Day To Remember, P.O.D and Born of Osiris.

If you have never heard of Last Year’s Tragedy (LYT) chances are that you do not know any Kenyan rock/metal band!!

12.30- Heavy Metal Dj Pete Van Doom takes over the Basement. Van Doom is not your ordinary Dj, a pathologist by day; he is the best kept secret in underground rock scene. Alongside, Vick Mwangi they founded “Al Blaq” Metal Night at Club Barn at Racecourse Ngong Road, a premier metal concert which has continued to draw huge heavy metal fans..

Venue/Date: Choices Baricho Road, Nairobi, Saturday 29^TH October 2011

Tickets available @ the door KES 450 (1 Free Beer for every ticket purchased)

Event page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=248500101864910

You see a new toy at the shop, you like it and you work hard to finally own it. It might be a new machine, a model phone, or even a new and expensive gadget in the market, all you know is that it’s the coolest thing that ever made your ‘awesome’ stuff list. It feels good and you are proud to have such a gadget. Everyday you just want to look at it and for a minute there you swear that a bond has been created. But after a few months down the line, its tossed on a pile with the rest of the stuff that might be well classified as junk. What the hell happened?

Relationships are like these ‘new toys’ I’m talking about. They look like the best invention in the market, which everybody wants to have. You walk down the street and see this couple holding hands and immediately feel the need to be in such a situation yourself. So what do you do? You go out there and get yourself one. The first thing you experience is a need to cherish and maintain. So you ensure that you do your best to take care of it. But after sometime, the need to trash surpasses the need to take care of, and out in the trash it goes. But relationships have people and people are not toys. So it might not be as easy to trash as you thought it would be. Complications arise and the results are not desirable. So what happens between treasure and trash?

It is true that maintaining the pace once you start a relationship is not the easiest job in the world. There is a stage that we call the ‘burn out’ where certain interests and likes suddenly go downhill and what remains is a feeling many always don’t know how best to deal with. It might not necessarily be a long-term relationship, it also may happen after a few successful dates with the individual. You were so excited to meet them and after the first date you thought that they suited your description of a ‘perfect’ mate. But after several more outings, some characteristics come up, and all that shine they had, immediately turn into a blur. You start avoiding their calls or messages; you are embarrassed to tell them how you exactly feel because you are afraid you might hurt them in the long run. What finally happens is an emotional disaster for you and your partner.

We are all humans and must accept that sometimes mistakes do happen. We have no control over what we feel or what will happen when we wake up at any given day. A couple might be dating for even 5 years or more and one of them wakes up one day and without warning calls it quit, just because they could not continue putting up with the situation. What I call this is, is what is known to me as a build up of ‘emotional debris’. A situation brought up by lack of communication and fear of speaking up. We don’t tell each other how we feel, our sincere emotions or true feelings toward certain issues. You sweep the problem under the carpet hoping that things will get better as you move on. This is a kind of denial, where you refuse to admit that the toy has failed to fulfill the desires of your heart. You are not being fair to yourself or your spouse. Be honest! If you don’t feel the same buzz you had in the beginning, try and find out what happened in between. Is it lack of communication? Did the other person not present their true personality in hopes of making you happy? Do you have the same interests they have?

If the situation is bearable, it is nice to talk things through especially if you have been having a stable relationship. No use of throwing a completely salvageable situation to the dump. Let the person know that things have not been going on smoothly, at least on your end, and let them also explain if they feel the same way. It creates less tension and presents a mature way of handling future problems that may arise in your dating life. Unless the situation warrants it, is when you can ‘trash’ the toy, and get rid of the clutter that threatens any form of freedom or happiness on your side. If you decide to treasure, make sure that you do things differently and inject a dose of excitement into your relationship. You might be surprised that a little adventure and spontaneity is all that was needed to boost you and your spouse.

What we have learnt here is that it’s better to examine your need before getting yourself a new ‘toy’, in this case, a relationship. Learn its limitation or plus, and how well it will work out for you. Is it also the right time to have one? Many people buy stuff they wont even use and it may be because of ‘advertising’ or just for the fun of it. This is a very costly affair. What is the use of having a thing that you will eventually throw away after its thrill is over? Know your priorities to avoid the ‘burn out’.

Don’t you just hate when this happens? I mean what are the chances of you falling in love without any hiccups? Is love and relationships supposed to have these many challenges? Too many questions, and I’m going to give you the answers just now. Sometimes dating is fun, most of the time its not. The reason I’m saying this is that along the way you have to deal with a pack of ‘vultures’-scavengers out to feast on each and every scrap of insecurity that you and your spouse go through in your life as a couple. Some will fight bone and tooth to the end and emerge as winners, but many will surrender along the way. So, when do you surrender and when do you fight back?

A time to fight back- This I think is the bravest thing to do as a person in love. It means you solely believe in your partner no matter what the circumstance or odds against you. Many at this point will not want to accept that anything or anyone can ruin their happiness and I commend that. Fighting is not bad; to the contrary, it strengthens the union and brings you closer together. This may be against jealous friends, family, religious or cultural differences, and biggest of them all- the never-ending string of competitors; people who think they can do the job better than you. I personally dislike that kind, the kind that always hover around ‘perfect’ relationships, thinking that they have a chance of experiencing the same thing. Be on the look out for such- it’s not everyday that you find the perfect mate to spend your life with. Yes, it may look over protective to at one time warn someone off your boyfriend or girlfriend, but believe me it works. Especially if your mate agrees it’s the best thing to do. Getting such support from them shows that they also feel strongly towards you and want to maintain the pace your relationship has been taking. So fight, and fight to the tooth.

A time to surrender- This is actually not the easiest decision to make. Letting go of someone you love is like someone holding a gun and pumping a bullet straight your chest. Doesn’t sound like fun, does it? A famous writer (that’s me) once said that there’s a time to hold on and there’s a time to let go. So when does one actually let go? Remember the problems I phrased earlier that could ruin a relationship? Well, at times they may prove to be bigger than love. Instead of happiness and joy, all you ever do is argue day and night. This is not worth it, because life is short and it’s not smart spending the better part of it unhappy. Forces may at times be stronger than we wanted them to be and fighting against them might consume your precious energy and zest for life. Therefore, my advice to such people would be to really weigh the situation critically as well as be objective as possible. This will require time, patience and understanding. Think of those ‘competitors’ I earlier talked about. Possibilities are that they may win. We can’t control how our spouses feel towards other people, sadly, and this is the reality that each of us must face. Little by little they may start growing cold towards us, and start behaving in a way we might find way below normal. After a few days of investigation, you are hit with the realization that the competitor has won and your lover no longer feels the same about you. What do you do in such a situation? Do you fight or do you let go? Assess the situation first and weigh the odds against you. Sometimes it’s just better to surrender than fight a battle that you will eventually loose, exhausting all your precious energy. After all, who said that surrendering means you are loser? It just means you were mature enough to realize that you deserve happiness.

Relationships bring happiness and joy to the couple, a blissful moment that the world could never understand. Sometimes the two lovebirds can get engrossed in their newfound love till they forget whoever is around them. This can be friends, family or even siblings. Have you ever found a situation that you feel left out when your friend suddenly falls in love and all their time is spent with the loved one? Then the sun stops shining and the stars are just tiny little sparks in the sky-FOR YOU THAT IS.

Well, it is quite natural for a couple to sometimes neglect their previous ‘priorities’ that made them fun and easy to be around with. As the girls, Friday nights out were the in-things, partying hard and downing those tequila shots like nobody’s business. For the boys, it was Sunday afternoon football and random night outs with sexy ladies. But all that is gone and all you are left with is this individual who is always texting or on phone when you go out, always speaking about their better half when its unnecessary, or they are trying to convince you to get a spouse yourself. And you’re like ‘what happened to this person who I once knew so well?’. I’d like to inform you that this is hardly being selfish.

Sometimes it’s hard to explain what happens when one ideally ‘falls in love’. It is obviously a new experience to someone and you can’t blame him or her for wanting to experience it. So they go full out and give it their all, and you are left out wondering where the heck you fit in this puzzle. Some people will take this really bad and will end up ruining solid relationships. Instead of fully supporting the couple, every chance they get they will pull them apart, maybe by bad mouthing their boy or girlfriend, forcing them to go on night outs meant for single people and which usually end up in disaster. Again this is perfectly normal but very wrong at the same time.

I always say that you never know how it feels being in love until you’re in love. So at times it’s good to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Here they are, having spent most of their precious time with you, and when they want to share it with someone else, you go ahead and pull the jealous card. Its pretty unfair if you think of it. So instead of doing that, you can try coming up with a ‘timetable’ with them, ridiculous as this may sound, it actually works. Just come up with a day that you exclusively spend with them, no chats, no love texts, just you and your pal. This might be a collection of fun activities that help you re-live the good all days as well as bond. Be a good listener as well, and act as a stress reliever because relationships do take toll on a person and they need to know that a friend is there for them if they need to vent. If they understand about the situation, then there is nothing to worry about.

Problems normally brew when they think that you are out to destroy their relationship. Love can make one pretty desperate and you have to be ready for this. When they react negatively, please don’t take it the wrong way. It’s sort of like a defense mechanism. They might not want to spend time with you, preferring instead to spend it with their loved one’s…no hard feelings. Just give them some time to settle down. This might seem impossible to bear but you will have to do it because you will be the only one  ‘clear headed’ at that time and of course you will be pushed by a platonic love for your friend.With time, you will see that everything will be easier to handle and things will work out well.

If they don’t, then they’ll see how they’ve been a royal pain in the neck when it will be your turn to finally fall in love, and it will be the moment they will need you the most. Of course, it will also be your moment to decide whether to be ‘emotionally unavailable or not. ’Lets jus say karma is a bad b*tch.

Rumour has it that some international rock stars are currently on holiday at the Maasai Mara. Rumour also has it that these rock stars are some of the VIPs expected to be in attendance at East Africa’s greatest rock ‘n’ roll gig, which will be held on the 27^th of August.

August is more winter than summer in this part of the world that hosts the Maasai Mara. So why has this much anticipated event been dubbed “Twisted Vista Summer Rock ‘n’ Roll”? Well, the event will coincide with the major end of summer rock nights happening throughout the world on the same night. Organized by Kenya’s 24 hour rock radio station, XFM and Third Planet Rock (The Rumble), this event will feature all genres of rock ‘n’ roll, from the music of Linkin’ Park to Rammstein to South Africa’s Seether and Zebra & Giraffe, and of course, Kenya’s own Rock of Ages.

The Kenyan rock scene has exploded in the past few years. Gone are the days when you had to travel outside the country to watch a live rock show. Kenya now has its very own rock bands such as Acustica, headed by Franco Brescia (formerly of now defunct ‘Fretwire’), Seismic, Murfy’s Flaw (who are currently working on their sophomore album), Last Year’s Tragedy, In Oath and many others. Most of these bands are members of the newly formed Rock Society of Kenya, which aims to promote the interests of its member bands.

Many entertainment spots nowadays incorporate rock music into their programs. DJ Burn was one of the DJs who regularly featured at Carnivores’ Wednesday rock nights and as luck would have it, he is one of three DJs who will headline at Twisted Vista Summer Rock ‘n’ Roll.

The other two headlining DJs are DJ Jack and DJ Shaddy. DJ Jack is considered to be the best rock DJ in Kenya at the moment and has a radio show called “Area 105” on XFM. DJ Shaddy is a favourite with those who like their rock ‘n’ roll harder, heavy and metallic. You can catch him every Sunday at the 7 Degrees Club along Naivasha Road and also on the 27^th of August   as he joins forces with his two comrades to give you the best rock experience this side of the Maasai Mara.

Twisted Vista Summer Rock ‘n’ Roll will be held on the 27^th of August at The Loft, located at Museum Hill, Nairobi. Apart from the three DJs, the VIP international rock stars and numerous Kenyan rock fans, Barry – the cocktail wizard from Germany, who happens to be Rammstein’s cocktail advisor – is also expected to grace the event.

Advance tickets are going for Kenya Shillings 500 and are available at pesapal.com. The gate charge is Kenya Shillings 700.